The freedom of a pre-parenthood day – not a sippy cup or milk-stained top in sight

Picture this. Doc Emmett Brown and Marty McFly emerge from their time machine/Delorean and offer you the chance to go back in time.

When do you go back to? When dinosaurs roamed the earth? Victorian London? The swinging 60s?

For me it’s a no-brainer. I want to go back to a random Saturday, pre-kids, when I had sod all planned. Nowhere to go and nothing to do.

We don’t appreciate the blissful freedom these boring, non-days gave us, not until they’re gone and we’re surrounded by screaming kids at soft play.

These are the things us parents would appreciate the most about going back in time to enjoy a day pre-parenthood:


1. Having a lie-in

We’re not talking about 8am here, we’re talking about a proper 10am lazy start.

This has to top the list of stuff that we miss the most about our weekends since the babies came along. Even once they’re sleeping through the night, it’s still painful getting up at 6am on a Saturday.


2. Enjoying using the toilet at your leisure

I believe the song ‘Don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone’ was written by someone mourning the loss of going to the bathroom in peace. I’m not sure how paving paradise and putting up a parking lot factors into that, but it must be a euphemism!

Anyway. Imagine using the toilet without having an audience, or having to constantly roll the loo paper back up only for it to be unrolled and ripped into tiny pieces again and again. Imagine weeing without your toddler pointing out the colour of your pants, or questioning why your bottom is hairy.

It’s the little things that feel good when you’re a parent, and weeing without an audience, having absolute privacy, is amazing.


3. Having a hangover

No they’re not pleasant, but when you don’t have kids around you can just lie about in your PJs all day and you won’t hear “Mummy” on repeat like a drill through your skull.

There’s something quite indulgent about eating trashy food, hardly speaking and staring at the TB all day because your limbs can barely move.


4. Leaving the house

Back when there were no children in our house, leaving it took about two minutes. Now it can take 45.

Arguments over shoes, last-minute poonamis and stolen keys flung behind the sofa mean getting out of the house is one of the most stressful experiences of the day. Second only to attempting to control your kids in public.


5. Watching grown-up stuff on television

No animated nonsense would be allowed on television at all. Instead it would be gory true crime, drug-dealing chemistry teachers, tear-filled dramas and murder mysteries all the way.


6. Sitting down for more than five minutes

It’s funny the things that seem like a luxury now, but getting a chance so stay off your feet for more than a few seconds really is one of them.


7. Openly eating treats

Back in the day you didn’t have to hide your chocolate digestive stash in the cupboard and then eat it behind the open fridge door.

We want our kids to eat healthily, we just can’t be arsed to do it ourselves.


Is there anything else you would do if you could have one more pre-parenthood day?