Successful people swear by waking up at 5am. Being a part of The 5am Club apparently sets you up for the entire day.

Virgin millionaire Richard Branson is a member, as is Apple CEO Tim Cook. Them and others say it makes them more productive and is the secret to staying ahead of the competition.

I say anyone who gets up at 5am by choice is a total fuckwit.

This opinion comes from my own experience of being in The 5am Club.

To be fair my wake up call is far less gentle than a personal assistant bringing me breakfast and coffee in bed like the zillionaire club members.

My daily initiation to The 5am Club involves taking a foot to the face, a knee in the tummy and repeated demands to go downstairs for breakfast. Hiding under the duvet simply makes the exercise seem like a game.

Even if one child sleeps until 6am, you can bet the other one will fill in the gap.

I’m not sure why my kids are taking it in turns to have such early mornings. Is it because the mornings are lighter? Is it the screech of birds from outside their window? Or are they so young they haven’t yet discovered the joy of just lying in bed for hours, even if you’re awake?

Whatever the reason, it sucks big time, and here’s why:

1. Dream interruptions

You’re just about to be swept off your feet by Tom Hardy who has fallen head over heels in love with you after bumping into him at the Tesco garage. As he opens his mouth to speak, the only words you can hear are “mummmmyyyyyy!”.

You know that even if you manage to drop off again, you’re likely to just dive into a work-related anxiety dream.

2. You end up eating breakfast way too early

What else is there to do once you’re awake but eat? It keeps the kids quiet anyway.

The trouble is that when you eat breakfast two hours early, you’ll be ready for lunch by 10am. It throws your entire day out of whack.

3. You will injure yourself

Being forced to leave the safe confines of your bed before you’re ready is a dangerous business.

Your unsteady feet and half-open eyes will cause you to walk into something and stub your toe or fall over. The children will find this hilarious!

4. It’s never productive

Some people are making million pound deals at 5am. I can’t even manage to unload the dishwasher.

5. It’s just too early

It’s funny how those lost couple of hours can make such a huge difference to your day. It leaves you feeling like your head is all foggy for the rest of the day.

The 5am Club is also one million per cent worse when you’ve also been up in the night attempting to resettle a baby to sleep.

Are you a member of The 5am Club? Do you ever manage to get anything productive done at that time?