Do you remember the last time you got a night of uninterrupted sleep?

After having a baby, proper sleep becomes a thing of the past and grabbing a few hours here and there becomes the norm. 

If you’re new to this parenting game, here are 11 truths about sleep after becoming a parent: 

1. You will compare notes about the previous night with your partner in great detail. “I woke up at 1.12am, then 3.47am and then I was up for the morning at 5.06am.” “Well, I woke up at 1.13am and didn’t get back to sleep at all.” This will be a daily competition. No one ever wins. 

2. Apparently there is a “sleep window”. If you miss it you are totally fucked. 

3. There’s always one person at a baby group whose baby sleeps through the night. They are smug. They are refreshed. They are lucky AF.

4. When the childless co-worker remarks she “didn’t get a wink of sleep” because she was out late, you will want to literally punch her in the face. 

5. Everyone has an opinion about getting a baby to sleep through the night. Strangely enough, there are no volunteers to come over and actually sort this shit out at 3am. 

6. You went into the kitchen for something. You’re standing there confused. What did you need? You leave empty-handed.

7. You will remortgage you home so that you can buy ALL THE STUFF that definitely solves sleepless nights. Ewan the sodding Dream Sheep. Swaddles. Sleepy Head bed. Books. 

8. You decide enough is enough. It’s time for sleep training. You pick your screaming baby up after five minutes and swear never to leave them again. 

9. You know every single creaky spot on the floors of your home.

10. The only way to get a good night’s sleep after having a baby is to build your own time machine, turn back the clock and don’t have kids in the first place.All other advice is just unreliable. 

11. When your baby sleeps through the night, you will lay awake all night worrying about them.